Going Back to High School

One of the first things friendly high school teachers will tell their best students when they’re on the verge of graduating is, “make sure to visit!”

Well, being in a DACA standby, a “graduate slump”, that saying rings true for me a little bit too strongly.

My impetus to return to my high school, mostly to provide my services in the way of helping run certain classes (e.g. TV Production), is stronger than that of my other friends namely because I haven’t found its replacement. I’ve lost that 7:20am – 2:20pm routine and heretofore been unable to truly replace it.

But see, writing of it like that makes it sound like I have nothing else to do, which isn’t true. I’ve got college classes to sit in on, college apps to fill out, work to look for, friends to hang out with; the works.

Rather, the fact that I’m even thinking about the feasibility of going back is an indication, in my opinion, that I really do have something to give to the school; else I wouldn’t think twice about not going back.

The faculty I want to help out, in fact, has been nothing but encouraging to the prospect of my coming in regularly to help out.

The only thing that’s keeping me from fulfilling the task wholeheartedly is my fear of judgment, something I never thought would stop me from doing anything, if even slightly.

Namely, I don’t want current students to look at me and say, “Psh, what’s he still doing here” or “shouldn’t you be in college?”. I don’t fear it because I made enemies during high school or anything like that; in fact, it’s the exact opposite. I consider myself a high school success to some extent, and with the territory of that comes, supposedly, the ability to move on and tackle the next hurdle, presumably college.

It’s more a question of pride as opposed to pure insecurity. Maybe a question of not wanting to live in the past, too.

A girl that I’m crushing on at the high school says, “Just do you”; my former English teacher tells me my standby has granted me an opportunity others would want but don’t get and that I should take advantage of it and do anything, helping out at school included if that’s what I want to do.

We’ll see how it pans out over the next couple of weeks.

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