Earlier tonight (or yesterday, I should say, as it is 12:05 AM) I was working on book notes for my Psychology class. I was reading about Freud’s psychoanalytic approach towards personality, and how he believed that our personalities are fueled by sexual energy that we take and convert into energy for doing worthwhile activities and completing productive tasks. But it got me wondering, especially when the book began to speak about Freud’s psycho sexual, personality development stages. The last stage was dubbed the genital stage, where puberty causes one to develop sexual feelings or attractions towards others.
Then, as it always does, my mind began wandering through the endless meadows of thoughts unthunk (yes, I know unthunk isn’t really a word). The day before, I’d attended a party that promised to be one of those classic “rite of passage” high school parties where one picks up chicks, is introduced to the smell and taste of alcohol; all that. While the party did not accomplish any of this (I felt bad for the security guard that had to stand outside, in the cold, while standing the laughter of mostly sober kids) and undeniably “blew”, there was a given degree of JAMA large enough to allow the JAMA to be seen and appreciated.
Do you know what JAMA is? Well, basically, it’s a term made by my friends to refer all the hookups at parties, all the flirtations that go on at said parties, all the relationships adolescents have, all the “sex” they have (which in reality, mostly only refers to kissing, making out, and no actual intercourse), and all that.
And yes, I know it’s supposed to be a Cuban slang term for food.
But anyway; there was some noticeable flirtation going on, even some cheating (gasp!); some touchy touchy here, some nip and tucking there (nip and tucking?).
And so I began thinking about all that that went on at the party, all the while keeping Freud’s words in the back of my head. What fuels our sexual attractions towards others, really?
Because to me, when I was only two or three years younger, the idea of kissing wasn’t something that came to me because of sexual necessity, but instead simply because it was a part of human culture. When I kissed my now ex-girlfriend (I hate that term, but I don’t want people to think I’m in denial or something) for the first time (which on that note, was my first kiss), I liked it, and I repeated it a few more times after that, but the sexual pleasure or attraction or energy that was supposed to fuel my wanting to kiss her didn’t come until after the fact, when I realized how sexually pleasing kissing was.
After that came the French kissing, and the touchy touchy and the nip and tucking, but that’s a story for an 18+ blog (and no, it did not all happen on the same day).
The only reason I wanted to kiss her was because I liked her a lot and because I’d learned through classic, infantile observation of the world around me that kissing was the way people showed affection to each other. Oh, and because all my other friends that had boyfriends or girlfriends did it too.
Maybe she felt the same way. I should ask her.
I like to think that I’ve matured way too much since then, and that I can now contemplate my former (or ongoing) naiveté with a higher degree of understanding, intelligence, and objectivity. But all I can see is that, either my ex-girlfriend made my sex flower blossom, or I’m forgetting how I felt before the kiss. In any case, I’ve got to finish my notes.