Afraid of Change

Hey, guys. Haven’t posted in a while (no Internet at home, so this hiatus is excusable, I hope; at least more so than the other ones). I remember that post I had done about change. In it, I talked about change as a good force, as a good circumstance. Well, for the most part it is. There are nations in the world that need change – we, the US, are guilty right now. But change will come – no doubt about it – and it’ll likely be good. I’m cool with that kind of change – change for the better, right – but only because I have a good feeling about what the change is going to be. I could also be wrong … maybe, President Obama’s proposed reforms unfortunately won’t go through. I will tell you why that change doesn’t worry me. It’s far away. Not in terms of time, and not in terms of miles, but in terms of splash damage (video game much?). Changes are like earthquakes. They have an epicenter, where the change originates, and then the farther you are the less affected you are, but nonetheless, you are affected. Well, President Obama’s change, to me, are going to be very important and appreciated, but not felt strongly. They’re too far away.
Let me give you another change not so far away from me – my friends, the people I talk to, the people I know. I was thinking about this a few days ago, or so. Last Friday, I hung out with my friends afterschool and, after getting over the fact that this might be a punkish activity and that I’d never done that before and whether I should’ve headed home and worked on homework or something like I conscientiously would’ve done, I thought about the fact that that’s not always gonna be that way. What I mean is … after these next four years in high school, everyone’s gonna dissipate like the gas from an opening soda can. Everyone’s gonna go in different directions. Not only this, everyone’s gonna be all grown up. There’s such a contrast, let me tell you, between my freshmen friends and my senior friends. Not just in age, but in what age brings with it – a lack of naiveté in these older fellers, another attitude that perhaps is less innocent or less … oh, I don’t know, less like they are now. Everyone’s gonna have different interests; the things we do now aren’t gonna be the same. I’m still looking for the right words with which to describe the change. I know these few sentences are ambiguous, but they’re as truthful as my developing mind allows them to be.
I thought I was the best authority on what I was afraid of. But there’s one thing that my girlfriend was the first to tell me about – me being afraid of change. She’s right. I am afraid. She made me notice that I don’t think about the future much, and at first, I regarded not thinking about the future as being just because I chose not to thinka bout something I wasn’t sure about. But no, it’s not a choice … it’s a fear.

I’m also scared of scary movies, skulls, and the like. But this is big man. But you know what, I’m gonna be a wimp about it. Don’t think about what you’ll do four years from now. Don’t you dare. Unless you don’t wanna sleep at night.

Thanks for reading guys. See you as soon as I’m able to post again. Good night, and godspeed.

– Tomás Monzón
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